Ernie seems totally lost and is confused as I am. They have done tests -- no brain tumor, no malignancies, thyroid OK, CAT scan OK. More blood work tomorrow. He seems to be getting worse instead of better. Anxiety is increasing.
Today when we came into his room he was rocking back and forth with his head in his hands, eyes glazed, very drugged --(effect of Haldol). He did not seem to care if we were with him.
When he could not sleep last night he walked up and down the halls reciting all the signage on the hospital walls. He told me he was afraid of losing his mind and hearing his own voice reading the signs was reassuring.
This behaviour has a "psychotic flavor" (according to his doctor) so tomorrow he will see the psychiatric staff.

This morning he was walking hunched over, breathing rapidly and in so much pain that he said he was in kidney failure and was going to die. Called Dr.H. having no idea what was wrong he told us to go immediately to the ER and he would meet us there.

At hospital he was given a sedative. Less than half an hour later he was "back" and was joking with the nurse about his skimpy hospital gown. An hour later, he walked me to the elevator, apologizing for his behaviour and reassuring me that he would be OK.

I feel ecstatic and relieved. Maybe everything will be all right. I am so grateful Jen has been with me. John is coming tomorrow from California.

The Depths of Depression
by Jeanine Pohlhaus

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